Grumpy Teenager

Following on from old work I’ve done, this is another piece I did in high-school when we were asked to write about something that annoyed us. Justin Bieber would probably be today’s equivalent but have a read and maybe you’ll empathise.

Is there one thing that makes your blood boil? Do you feel that if you are reminded of it one more time your head will explode? Does it make you feel as if you want to plug your ears and cover your eyes just so that you can escape from it? Would you go through extreme pain just to obliterate it from the history of the universe? My answer is yes. ‘High School Musical’ makes me feel like this.

I’ll start by making my argument a little less one sided. I will point out it’s good points… Well, that’s the end of that then!

Just for starters, Zac Efron is one very big reason why ‘High School Musical’ makes me want to pull off each of my fingernails, very slowly, one by one. He must have some amazingly mysterious ‘X’ factor, which I just can’t seem to see. Apparently he’s super attractive. I fail to notice this. Vanity is not the most attractive feature in a man, superstar or not. He’s had a nose job, for heck’s sake! He wears makeup too, and not just the discreet kind. Oh no, Zac isn’t going ‘Au Natural’. Five-inch thick foundation plus a whole tube of mascara equals total meltdown under the hot lights.

Okay, so what else? The singing, (if you could call it that). The singer’s voice changes with each song. Surely they could have made it slightly more convincing, couldn’t they? Or maybe not. I wonder what would happen if we burst into spontaneous song in the middle of a geography test for instance? Or if we jumped on the tables to dance… a detention and a behaviour comment in our planner, no doubt at the very best. The voices are distinctly nasal and most of the girls sing in pitches only audible to dogs. Since, ‘High School Musical’ is so popular, you’d think the songs and singing might be slightly more bearable to the human ear. Do we not recognise a musical instrument anymore…?

And another thing… The film isn’t even on a ‘High School Musical’. It’s the auditions. The auditions. They make such a big deal about the auditions. What happened to the musical? Or do we have to eagerly await the sequel?

Merchandise. You can’t escape from it! There’s the Easter eggs, the singing Barbie dolls, the board game, repulsive t-shirts, the birthday cards (£5 is too much to pay for a card, even if it does have Zac’s beautifully crafted nose on it)… the list is endless.

Actually, I’ve thought of one good thing. My little brother has to dance to it every week in his drama class. My, oh my, revenge is sweet.

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